Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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