and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
