Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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