it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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