The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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