im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
