I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
