Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.

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(810): View more from Michigan

you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".

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(765): View more from Indiana

I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.

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(515): View more from Iowa

It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina

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(502): View more from Kentucky

God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.

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(607): View more from New York

My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew

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