I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
