just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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