If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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