So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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