Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
