bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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