He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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