dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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