There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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