She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
