Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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