you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
