NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
