Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
