We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
