i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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