I can tuck mytits in my pants
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
