Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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