so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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