I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
