if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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