He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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