did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
