Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
