she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
