i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
