I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
