We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
