Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
