I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
