I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
