Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
