a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
