If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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