I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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