And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
