My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
