break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
