just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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