Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
