I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
