god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
