Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
