shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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