And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
